Hoang-An
THE COURAGE TO RE-CLAIM OUR BIRTH-RIGHT
FEELING OF AUTHENTICITY AND JOY FOR WOMEN
There is a significant difference between happiness and joy. Happiness originates from external forces you cannot control: winning a lottery; getting a promotion; s/he falls in love with you, etc. Happiness is fear camouflaged. Joy is the absence of fear. If you do not win a lottery; get demoted; s/he doesn't love you back: you understand that it is not yet to be; that something better suiting you is waiting to happen; and therefore you still feel the joy of love and life albeit temporary set-back. Joy is your birthright. A profound inner shift in your reality is neccessary to reclaim it. According to Sarah Ban Breathnach's "Something More": "Most of us unconsciously create dramas in our minds, automatically expecting the worst from every situation, only to have our negative expectations become self-fulfilling prophecies. Inadvertently, we become authors of our own misfortune. And so we struggle from day to day, careening from crisis to crisis, bruised and battered by circumstances, without realizing that we have a choice." once understood this, you will feel grateful that you are alive so you can work through the spiritual assignments all human beings must go through to be humans. And the harvest of joy is a grateful attitude you have for living and loving.
According to the general observance of scientists in psychology, more women suffer emotional dependence than men. A woman needs the courage to be independent in creating her own feeling of emotional well-being instead of being a reflection of circumstances and other people's opinions. Emotional dependence is created and regenerated by fears. Emotional independence is a birthright, privilege and responsibility that give a person the freedom for honest and gracious self-expression. We are emotionally dependent when we look to others for our happiness, our "self" concept, and emotional well-being. We are not free to be ourselves. It takes tremendous courage and energy to be emotionally independent.
Courage is the willingess to risk or act even when you are frightened or in pain. Courage is the ability to do what need to be done, or feel what needs to be felt, inspite of fear. In order to be emotional independent you have to take responsibility for your own well-being: you need the courage to be yourself!
It is a natural process to be courgeous to work toward a fuller realization of our own authentic self. Fear keeps us from realizing our full potental. We fear the unknown; any experience that has been painful for us in the past; any new experience or risk. With the right attitude, we can face them with joy and creativity. Risk is necessary for change and change is conducive for growth. In order to be free we need to learn to honor our fears but not alow them to control our lives: and unspoken fear is more powerful than one that is shared. Fear creates crippling isolation. Talking openly about how we feel breaks this isolation.
In working with and changing our feelings and actions, we need to be awared of what we are thinking and what we are feeling. When we suppress or repress a feeling, we lose control over how we can express it constructively. In learning to deal with our fears in new and more creative ways, we should be very patient and gentle with ourselves.
Awareness starts with an inner dialogue that helps define your character: "What am I feeling?" "How is this limiting me?" "What is scaring me?" This inner dialogue help you to stop blaming circumstances and other people for your hurts and disappointment in life and love. You may not be able to change the circumstances but you can change your response to them.
The next step is to acknowledge or acting upon the awareness. Fearful secrets separate us from others. Sharing your secret with yourself first and then with some confident whom you trust will listen with care and nonjudgmently. As we talk about our real and imagined shortcomings, and our struggles to improve, we learn to forgive ourselves and others. A win-win attitude will manifest with just a simple process of changing the words that we use to designate the source of our feelings: In stead of using such words as "You shouldn't!" "You have to!" "I won't!" "I cannot!": use "could", "choose to", "want to", "can", "will". Words such as "should" and "have to" imply that you have no power to choose in the matter. "Will" and "choose to" are words that liberate you to make conscious choices.
Painful feelings can only be transformed and healed in a safe and nurturing environment. Free yourself from outdated rules about right and wrong. Actually, there is no such thing as right and wrong, rather does it make sense or not. Accept your feelings just as they are. We all are tenders of a fertile soil conducive to change and growth. With acceptance, we can speak out, bring out secrets to work with to be transformed. Acceptance nurtures and nurture allows growth. Acceptance of your true Self is an art of forgiveness: yourselves and others. Acceptance of what you see and say is absolutely essential because only after you have accepted it can you move onward to alter whatever is limiting your freedom to be and the freedom in self-expression.
