Running into You
The School Years
Ever since Adam took that fateful bite of the forbidden fruit, man has been subject to a devilishly mystical force-one that subsequently debilitates him, dictates his life, rides him high and low, and ultimately in numerous ways defines him. Man has become aware of this force early on. Try and try he did, he could never be rid of it, and over time, he has come to succumb to reality-the duality of “can’t live with, can’t live without”.
My personal experience with this force came at an early age when I first met you in our kinder garden years. I realized almost instantly that you were different. You were always very neat, dressed in all sorts of clothing in eye-catching colors: pink, light blue, light green, purple, etc. Your hair was mostly long, impeccably washed, combed, and it often shined. Sometimes you wore it straight, other times you wore pig tails. You were mostly soft-spoken with the exception of incredibly high-decibel screams when you were really upset. You were more oftentimes well-mannered than I. The teachers and adults frequently spoke more highly of your manners.
Our acquaintance was merely incidental. Surely you and I had no planning for it. I started school and you were there. We were different in physical appearance, in interests, as well as in many other things that I’d come to discover. Thus, we rarely played with each other in a same group, unless, of course it was ordered by the teachers. My friends and I liked to play in the dirt, the mud, to chase down, and beat up one another one the playground, whereas your games were more gentile and a bit more sophisticated like robe-jump, spelling, pretend cooking, and other less physical activities. Though, we weren’t sharing a whole of activities, I became intrigued. I wondered why such differences, and why such attraction. Until today it’s still sort of hard to tell that whether I liked you then or not, but what my friends and I showed was much of hostility and unfriendliness aggression. We’d shove you to the ground, pulled on your hair, called you names, and threw your books and other belongings to the flour. I did not do that out of envy for your seemingly perfect appearance. I did that because of jumping on the bang wagon with my friends. Only years later, I found out that it was ungentlemanly.
The years of elementary came when you and I became more mature in all aspects. I grew stronger, but mostly remained the same, rough around the edges, more physically agile yet physically unattractive relatively compared to you. On the other hand, as you grew you became even more attractive. Your manners and physique were even more refined, and believe it or not, you were still improving the way you look and act. However, the encouraging factor was we had become more acceptant of each other as my physical aggression towards you changed to a latent affection. Somehow, unknowingly, the transition took place, and when think in retrospect, I still can’t figure out what caused the change. Also, this is when I wholly realized of our opposing genders, boys and girls.
The high-school years were ones of the most interesting in my time. Only after a summer of transition from elementary to high school, you changed drastically, changes that I had once thought impossible. Yet your bodily features changed so fast, your hair was longer and even better kept, your physique added more dimensions and curves. Your bodily and social gestures changed to be even more eye-popping and mystical. Yes. The way you carelessly tossed your hair, you engagingly smiled, you nimbly walked, and you eloquently talked, was just drawing attention to yourself, like a magnet. As magnetic as you had become, I still had enough of my pride and social courtesy to not stare. But of course, there was a lot of social shyness. Even though, I observed you thoroughly, I did it in a very discreet way. However, discreet I was, you sensed my attention, and seemingly you disregarded at first. That prompted me to wonder if you were ever interested or ever had the same kind of a reciprocating attraction. I was shy to provoke any reactions, yet I could not get away from trying.
It was a nice day to start out with sunshine and clear-blue sky, but it ended better to be the one of the best days in my life. The day that forever changed my life. That morning in class, you were dressed in a flower-patterned skirt, a white body-hugging shirt coated by a light-blue sweater. Your hair was shinny and neat as always. And the aforementioned force, somehow at its peak that day, totally seized me and ordered me to follow its lead. I suddenly found myself writing and writing, draft after draft. Yes. It was my first note to you.
After probably half of my English notebook was scrapped, I finally found myself extremely flustered, trying to figure should or how to get my note delivered. My best friend, sitting beside me, could clearly see me infatuation-struck all along. He took on and performed the task with exemption and delight. After all it was a good learning experience for him at my expense. Which of the best of friends would not have taken that chance?
The note was passed through three hands to the front to you. You were cool and unexpected. You took it showing no hint of surprise or presumption. As this progressed, I was frozen stiff in my chair and was about to fall off it. I observed with bashful and humiliating anticipation. My mind was racing fast with what-ifs. What if you laughed out loud? What if you showed it to her friends and laugh together? What if you found it inappropriate and told the teacher? My heart was jumping out of my chest. Palms were sweaty as I mustered enough courage to watch. You started out with a cool demeanor until the first letter then the first sentence appeared. Your face turned red and redder as you read:
Dear Lan Anh,
We have been friends through 4 grades and probably more grades to come if you won’t transfer to another school after having read this. But I’d really like to walk with you to your house today. And if possible, we’ll study together and will walk to and from school together.
Sincerely,
Vu Q. Huynh
There, my masterpiece of language. All of my romantic inspirations and a half a note book of drafts eventuated to be a letter to you. Yet I was in danger of getting rejected and reported.
You read it quickly and again and again. You uneasily shifted your body as you read. You attempted to turn around at times, but were unable to do so. In the process, you were killing me with wild guesses and anticipations. Then you appeared to be thinking, still shifting from position to position. All of a sudden, you started writing, and just like I, you went draft after draft. You wrote long, you wrote short, then really short. The note came to me and I eagerly opened it. After all, the what-ifs hadn’t happened. I was safe at least for the moment. The note contained only one word, “yes”, and it was the best word I had ever read in my life. For the rest of that day at school, I was in a state of ecstasy. I was out of my body. The bliss that I felt was indescribable, perhaps, that force had seized me for good.
Walking home with you for the first time was really an experience. I never really expected you to like me back to be walking with me in the first place. In addition, it was your first time too; therefore, we had little to say. Already, side by side, yet shyness took right over the moment I met you at the gate of the school. To add to the problem, a bunch of my friends were riding bikes around, and screamed out jokes on us. You were shy as I was, but we persevered and kept on walking. The friends scattered and went home, leaving us walking alone. Then I mustered just enough courage and started talking. You were shy, but engaging. I now knew that you liked me, liked the attention, liked when people liked you, and wanted to get to know you. The road to home was never shorter, although, so little was exchanged, and so much else had happened. It was arguably the best day of my life.
“Familiarity breeds contempt”, someone says, but in this case it breeds boldness. Our first date was at a movie. A simple cliché of a first date, but it did not lack the elements of romance. We sat beside each other, still frozen stiff, and painfully aware of the physical closeness. When we moved and accidentally hit each other’s elbow we would instantly withdrew. We pretended to be watching the movie, but our hearts and our heads were racing with nervous anticipation. I glanced over and met your glance. You turned away almost instantly allowing me to stay glancing. As ever you were attractive, but especially, that day you were provocative in your body-hugging shirt and the flower-patterned skirt. As I was taught, physically impure thoughts were shameful and forbidden. Yet, somehow, I couldn’t fight the force. I had the irresistible urge to reach out to find some physical intimacy. I didn’t know if you felt the same way. My hand finally ventured to find yours. Both were sweaty! We glanced at each other and smile shyly. Both of our faces turned even redder. We could probably felt each other pulse. The heart racing continued, but the pleasant comfort gained. The indescribable feeling of bliss overcame both as we pretended to watch the movie.
to be continued!
