Turning Point...
Dinner at Figlio Restaurant with the 4 of us, Man, Tin, Wil and I. It was good to see Man overly hyper and happy again. Things started to clear out for her, turned out that she only got rejected bcuz of the wrong form that she filed. Meal and company lasted as long as 3 hours. You're gonna miss us! They kept telling me that, I smiled and laughed to that, but I know, I know that they're right. I will miss this peaceful time around old dear friends. I'm heading for a new start, a new path and new beginning. Things will change, will be rough and difficult, as it has always been. More people will come, some will leave and some will remain....Lately, I've been seeing, hearing so much unfortunates in life....So afraid, so scared that there really is no "safe zone" around anyone in this world, including people I know, those I love, whom I held so dearly in heart....There is no guarantee in life, no insurance, no replacement... I've heard, have witnessed, have been through those sufferings myself....Yet, everytime, it amazes me of how cruel nature can be once something so dear to you got taken away. In shocks? Always! How can I, or anyone ever be ready, be prepared for those situations?....I've learned never to take granted of anything, anyone in life...
Growing up without family beside for 5 years, a spoiled brat I was as a little girl, learned to accept, to appreciate and cherish everything that comes to make a part of my life.... Life, at that time, was cruel for leaving a lilttle girl alone without her family, growing up not knowing the feeling of being loved, of trusting and believing in anything, even herself.... Life, at that time, made that little girl, so many times, doubted, if she has done something to deserve sufferings....Life, at that time, left that little girl with no faith, no future to look at, only those unstoppable tears that kept dropping in silent each night... Yes, life, in that 5 years was harsh and unfair to that little girl... However, if only things didn't happen the way it did, will that little girl then I was growing up a woman I am today? Life, in those difficult years has taught a little girl, that, things do happen in life. There is no fairness or unfairness, things get taken away in shocks, things arrive unexpectedly... Throughout hardships, despite of painful steps, that little girl kept walking forward, even at foggy times where the path was unclear and unnoticeable until she turned out to be the "me" today...
At times like this, where a person could feel relieved after going through tough years.... I looked around and realized... No one is ever extremely or perfectly happy in everything... Everyone has to fight in the war of living, in their own ways... A month in VN, I saw so much pains, so much sufferings, so many unfortunate lives... With those who I grew up loving so much, my only-left grandma is now 91, had 3 strokes over the year. Coming back to visit her, I could not help the tears following each other down to my cheeks when holding her hands, looking at her lying there, with her eyes opened, unawared of anything, unconscious of everything that happens around. The thought that I kept pushing away came back to me, will there be grandma next time I come back?...
My dad who is now in his 70s, had a lung surgery last year, helped me looking up again, when seeing him healthy being at that age. He is now retired, just helping sick people with grandpa's traditional Chinese medicines. I was so rejoice to see him, to talk to him, to know that he is there, didn't leave me...No, I can't bear thinking of that thought... My uncle who also had a surgery last year...passed away... And my God Mother, the one who helped building up those short, but best childhood memories of mine, passed away caused by her long-term illness, asthma... Throughout the years, i've lost so many people in life, but looking back, how many more has added throughout my journey? How many new lives have joined my life?
Life and death, the cycle of life, the rule of nature, and...the well awared, avoidable topic for everyone. I've gone through my tough times, you've gone through yours, but we're not done yet, there's still more ahead, there always will be. We'll have those times where life seems so unbearable, but even in those moments, our feets will still have to keep moving, even if there seems to be no reason... Why? Because we each tasted the bitterness of life and know so well how hard it is to take it, would be it necessary to create more of those in life?
Turning point...Time to start a new journey into a new path of life....
