Undeserving Grace
I have gained the heretofore hidden treasure which is the understanding that even confusion and the feeling of being lost are also blessings-in-disguise. "It may be when we no longer know what to do, we have come to our real work; and that when we no longer know where to go, we have begun our real journey." (Wendell Berry). Recently, I also realize that not just joy and results but also sorrow and suffering are the gifts of undeserving grace. Because they help facilitate our self-illumination and revelation in The Mystery. I borrow the concept of "Undeserving Grace" especially from the Christian denomination of Baptist, which means that redemption and salvation are free gifts of Grace through faith, and mankind being imperfect because of the stain of Original Sin can never earn them merely by their own effort such as good works.
These realization come from my direct personal experiences that yield me the understanding of the meaning of Happiness. I used to equate happiness with pure joy that brings innocent laughter, and I longed for it. Now, at forty-five, after all the self-chosen selfless serving that at times even asked for self-effacing has born fruits, happiness comes also with pain: the pain in grieving for the trials and tribulations it took to attain the harvest of all the labour-of-love so that I can utter, "This is it! It has finally come!"
Like the dawn that will definitely come to Jacob after his long night wrestling with the angel in front of his home's gate, I gain the illumination that through all the confusing and bleak trying times, one thing always present in me: the integrity of my belief in Truth; whatever such Truth is, Truth exists and supports my journeying through my human rites-of-passage. Like my answer, "Yes!" to the riddle, "If a tree falls in the deep forest and you don't see or hear it, does it exist?" I am certain that just as surely as lies and deceptions exist, on the other side of the coin also lies Truth: whatever It is!
I think that it is impatience that causes all our lamentations as we travel through the complex inner and outer worlds. The forms of lamentation are many. Like King David with his Psalms; King Solomon with his Eclassiase; and that famous Job of the Christian Bible. The hard question is how come some people cannot help but to become unstucked in their tendency to self-sabotage and self-destruct? The foundation of the Old Testament is based on Faith, the New Testament on Love. All religions adheres to the concept of love. Is it because we human beings are imperfect beings so our ways in giving and receiving love are always confusing and incomplete? I love the story when Jesus gave the world the Christian's prayer in "The Lord Supper." Knowing how his presence on Earth would soon end, he said that once he has gone mankind should know his most important commandment to the world, "Love one another!" A wise disciple probably understood how limited is mankind in loving, asked Jesus to teach us to pray. That was when Jesus gave the world "The Lord Supper" prayer.** Moreover, there is still an disagreement in the translations of a verse in Corinthian I, chapter 13: The King James version of the Bible used the word "love" while some other versions translated it as "charity": "And in the end there is three great things: faith, hope, and (love/charity). Of the three, love/charity is the greatest". All and all, if we can truly lessen our self-involvement, with compassion for others' suffering through our own knowledge of pain, we might be able to understand that sorrow and pain are also undeserving grace.
(** "The Lord Supper" prayer: "Our Father who art in heaven. Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom comes, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our tresspasses as we forgive those who tresspass against us. And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, and the glory, and the power. Forever and ever. Amen.)
